Child marriage is a human rights violation, and despite laws against it, the practice remains widespread because of persistent poverty and gender inequality. In developing countries, one in every three girls is married before reaching the age of 18. One in nine is married under the age of 15. This is Grace’s story.
“If only I could turn back the hands of time, I would revert to 1986 and evade some life-twisting experiences that I went through that year,” echoed Grace (not her real name). One could not help but notice Grace’s tear-filled eyes as she narrated her heart-breaking life story. During the interview, she had moments of silence and murmuring as the memories of past events swept her emotions into deep agony.
Grace, like most of the young girls in her village, was customarily forced into marriage by her guardians to a well-known and local traditional healer Gurameno, who in turn paid ‘lobola’ (dowry) in the form of food materials and livestock. To make matters worse, she was the 9th wife to Gurameno. Her hopes for a better future were shattered as she had to drop-out from school at the age of 14 years whilst she was doing Grade 6. She could not confide in her family since they were the reason for the trauma she was going through. Instead, she sought help from her school teachers who tried to make contributions to repay Gurameno’s dowry fees to withdraw Grace from this ordeal. Teachers’ efforts were fruitless as they feared the dreaded traditional healer who was well-known for his religious and paranormal antics. Some people advised her to seek the help of the police, but Grace feared the consequences of this move. She also thought about the groceries and livestock that her poor family had already started to utilise and could not repay, and concluded that this was now her home, her destiny, and her future.
Like in most polygamous families, the toughest and hideous chores around the household are often delegated to the youngest wife. The eldest wife was responsible for assigning tasks to the other women whilst she enjoyed the easiest of tasks at the home. Grace was forced to change her clothes into long and oversized skirts. She was responsible for cleaning the homestead and preparing meals for over 50 people every day and to make matters worse, she was denied the food herself by the elder wives. She was only allowed to sample the food in front of everyone to confirm that the food was safe and has not been poisoned (‘kubvisa uroyi’).
Days after she had become one of Gurameno’s ‘collectables’, she vividly remembers one night after the family supper when one of the elder wives took her to Gurameno’s bedroom but left her inside whilst she locked the door from outside. This continued several times until she fell pregnant. Amongst sexual abuse, she suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of the elder wives.
As if it was not enough, Gurameno married two more wives after Grace to make a total of 11 wives. The 10th wife was a young attractive widow who exhibited signs of a sexually transmitted infection (STI) but no one paid any attention.
A food distribution programme that was implemented in the area selected Grace to be one of the focal persons, as she was one of the few married women who was literate in her village. This paved the way for her to attend several capacity-building trainings on HIV and AIDS, gender and child rights. On one of the trainings on child rights, she recalls how the topic on ‘Forms of Abuse’ moved her to tears, as she reflected on child abuse incidences in her life. Still then, she could not report the cases. She, however, shared some of her knowledge with a few of the elder wives and managed to convince one of them to attend HIV and AIDS trainings that were frequently held in her village.
From then on, there was attitudinal change on the perceptions of seeking clinical help especially for the infants that were dying at the homestead because Gurameno had a strict ‘no clinic policy’! Grace also lost two infants out of the five births she had. “I was disheartened when I lost the first infant. He could have survived if I had sought medical help from the hospital, but none of us (wives) could confront our husband to change his policies. The pain doubled when the second infant succumbed to what I believed was malaria,” said Grace.
After the 10th wife gave birth to her second child, pandemonium broke out. She never fully recovered and the infant was always ill. Seven of Gurameno’s wives including Grace started suffering from a wasting syndrome. On a daily basis, Grace recalls that the homestead had between 3 and 5 bed/home bound members, but still Gurameno claimed spiritual attacks were behind the illnesses. His traditional healing business also dwindled at that time resulting in a fall in household food security. Grace claims the fall was caused by the sudden rise of churches and Christian belief systems. To make matters worse, the wives started accusing each other of witchcraft until Grace started interpersonal advocacy that paid off when most of the wives agreed to seek medical assistance, despite Gurameno’s ruthless policies.
In 2013, 8 of the 11 wives tested HIV+. From a total of 5 children born between 2011-2013, 4 of them were HIV+ despite the preventing mother to child transmission (PMTCT) programmes in clinics. Over the years, the family had resorted to a traditional birthing delivery system and this was regarded as the only accepted method of delivery in Gurameno’s culture. After a long struggle, the women’s collective efforts paid off after they managed to convince Gurameno to seek medical assistance in 2014. To date, all of the 8 women and 4 children have commenced Antiretroviral Therapy (ART) at St Peters’ Mission Hospital. Though Gurameno refuses to visit the hospital for periodical reviews, he is adhering to medication and is being monitored by Grace.
“I thank God for the chance I had to be a community volunteer. I gained so much knowledge and confidence through capacity-building workshops conducted by DOMCCP and its partners over the years. One way to change our society is to empower women with livelihood skills and projects that will strengthen their actions and voice in the community. Women and girls need to take the first steps to alleviate traditional practices that violate their rights. We have been at the receiving end of these abuses that have destroyed our confidence and dignity, but enough is enough! I urge all parents to empower their girls through education and train them to be self-sustaining even in these difficult times,” said Grace.
Story by DOMCCP Field Officer Chihana Ronald K.
Grace is a nutritional garden and savings club member who has benefited from the Misean Cara funded livelihood projects implemented by DOMCCP in Chipinge from 2013-2016. Amongst the technical training on livelihoods, she has also received training on gender and women rights facilitated by the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, Gender and Community Development. All names used in this story are not the real names, since consent was not sought from all people involved.
The Religious of the Sacred Heart of Mary (RSHM) works in partnership with the Diocese of Mutare Community Care Program (DOMCCP). It is in this partnership that DOMCCP has access to Misean Cara funding for project support.
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